I’m not “Strong” in Relationship

I’m not “Strong” in Relationship

Last night met with Gabor, one of the friends from Austria that I mentioned before this. We really enjoy the moment we shared in this evening.

He invited me to his friend’s apartment where he stays there for temporary; before he gets himself a new apartment at this place he called it the second hometown for him. I think soon or later Malaysia will be his home because in his planning, move to Malaysia is one of the planning.

His friend really nice to treat me a cup of nice coffee, this really a fantastic idea for me cause I’m the “coffeeholic”.

When the time we had our dinner at Jalan Alor. He so familiar with this place and the people know him so well. They even know what he wants and they treat him so nice. I’m considering myself as the local but this moment makes me feel like I’m not the local but he is.

We enjoying our dinner and at the same time we discussing some topics. I’m facing some problem to settle some relationship, so I asked some opinion from him. One thing I like to ask Gabor for some opinion cause he nice enough to give me the straight forward answer, even he knows that this not the way to talk with the Chinese people, cause traditional Chinese like to make a big turn to tell you something.

Gabor got this sense in people and he can guess what in your mind, and most of his guessing is right.

Part of our conversation…

Who is the strong and who is not?

In a relationship, there got one party, as the strong side and another party as not that strong. For sure the strong side as the leader in this relationship, he makes most of the decision and lead his partner. Some people born as the leader but some are not. I can be a good leader in some group or I can lead a team in business but when come to a relationship I’m not.

That was one of the reasons I break up with Lion King in end of March. I’m tired to lead or take care of someone since I’m still enjoying the life take care by others, you can call me Manja. I do.

I know I can learn how to be a leader in a relationship but I refuse to do it. When u tired after lead in office and some other place, I wish that someone can lead me when I come to relationship. Yes, I’m not that strong enough…

In my relationship with Lion King was the first time I try to be the strong one. I’m tired with it. In the past I always lead by another party.

I wish that I could get someone that I wish to see him every morning when I wake up. You only will do this when you get someone you truly loved.

Sometimes I do think a lot about the future and missed something.

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After the dinner, we meet up with his friends from Singapore, who drive the big bike all the way to KL. So sad I don’t have the big bike and I don’t know how to drive a bike… :p

These two friends are nice and cute. They really tall... I’m the shortest among the four. I’m not the only Asian guy, but short… so sad… :p

We stopped at this place called “…Fish and Chips Bar” near Jalan Alor, ordered a jug of beer. So comfortable sitting upstair of this bar and enjoy the privacy since only us on this Floor.

I grabbed some nice view in this bar.

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Around 12am we ended our drinking session in this bar. I thought that they wanna leave and take a rest since three of them just arrived from SG, but they not. They wanna go to the Frengipani at the opposite road.

Once again I don’t think myself belong to this place since they meet some of their friends there, not only one or two but more than that. Started to ask myself, I’m the Malaysian or they are. ???

Continue my conversation with Gabor since after these few days Gabor will leave the town and go back to German for few weeks. After that he will take some course at ShangHai University, learn the basic Mandarin that he planned to do.

The Vodka makes me to relax myself, tell Gabor which normally I only keep for myself. Open it up and shared with him, so that he know what exactly happened on me and give me some opinion.

What he told me just some advice and idea for me and I need to make the decision myself.

In between Gabor and me got this ‘touch’ where by this the first time I enjoy the company of a White man. Language is always not a problem if we really got these special touches.

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Inside my mind something talked to me…

“I wish that I can stay in single and try to think about what I really want and what I looking in my life.”

Inside my heart something tells me…

“Don’t disappoint the guy who loved you. Don’t make him wait for too long. You got no rights to let people wait for you.”

My mind reply my heart…

“Don’t make the same mistake and done hurt the one you loved and the one who loved you too.”

My heart…

“How you gonna tell him? Can you tell him without hurt his feeling?”

My mind…

“Errrr……”

Haiz…. Still no answer from both…