Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I’m nobody, but I’m Special

This is what I did on my offday today:

Wake up at 4pm

reach Bukit Bintang at 5.30pm

join step class at 6.40pm

dinner with friends at Dandihill at 8.15pm

movie at 10.15pm

supper at 12.30am.

(sounds so boring hor…)

 

Watch the movie, G-Force, even friend told me that the online-review is not that good. Just go for the normal screen, but not the 3D one, just in case the storyline not really good and will not too regret to pay so much… :P

 

The movie is funny, even the storyline not so interesting, but just enjoy the entertainment from this few little fellers, the special agent, is worth for the price. The only moral I had learn in this movie is “I’m special…” (what so special of me? Don’t know… :P)

 

Getting late, sleep soon… Still need to catch some sleep even I slept for so long on my Offday. *Yawn… Life is SO Tired…

Sunday, September 27, 2009

One Missed Call

Received a missed call from SG’s no, thought you the one who’s calling, but when try to call back… no one pick up the phone… *sad… a bit disappointed. Where are you? Still waiting, but how long I have to wait for??? I know you will never answer me, because you never talk with me anymore. What happen to you? and what happen in between us? I just wonder…

Friday, September 25, 2009

One Rest Day

After one whole week, this the only day I can off. Tired, so just sleep until 12pm, if not stomach not feeling well, I think I still can continue my dream till 1 or 2pm… Too tired so choose to be lazy, doing nothing but just sitting in front desktop, finish up the TV series.

 

After work for so many days, now I wish that I can take a short holiday and just rest awhile, but cant, because after next week, will take three days to go back to hometown, to visit my mum. She will go for another body check with the specialist by next week, when the time I get back should know the result. Try not to think for the bad one, but still worry.

 

Just finished up the series and now have to clean up a bit, at least clothes have to wash de. Wish that dinner will be good, and it will be my first and only meals of the day.

止痛药

时间可以冲淡一切。。。 假的。。。 医生说伤口过了一段时间就会复原。。。 对,伤口是好了,但是那种痛是无法淡忘的。  我知道一些过失永远都不能弥补的事实, 但是我还是希望有重生的机会。 如果别人辜负了我,然后希望得到我的体谅, 再让他有多一次的机会,试问我自己:我可以做到吗?

 

无法淡忘的记忆在脑海里不停地浮现, 伤口的痛楚无法以止痛药给镇压, 每一回都让外在的我失去笑容, 小丑再也不能够带给身边的人任何欢乐了。 没有了你我答应我自己得好好的过, 但是我真的办不到, 我还是食言了。 我已经失去永恒的快乐了。

 

不管有没有快乐, 我的生活还是得过, 没有人会理会到底我是否快乐, 就算我自己也已经放弃了。  我是放弃了生活的快乐,但是我并没有放纵自己, 每一天压抑着自己, 做好一天该做的事, 一天过去,至少对自己说我真的有好好地过了这一天。 明天的, 就让明天的我去面对吧。 至少如此我会对自己有个交代。

 

不该放弃我的生命, 因为上天并没有允许我去伤害它, 如果能够得到他的允许,那么到时候我再也不需要止痛药了。

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

累了

离开了妈妈温暖的怀抱才发现自己是多么的无助与彷徨。 就像帆船没有了帆布, 再也无法行驶前进。 今天与友人闲聊时, 被其肺腑之言惊醒梦中人, 才发现自己其实还是那么的无能。 对着他人,承认自己是一个非常有计划的人, 但是其实话说回来其实是以为害怕, 怕前方不懂是怎么的一回事。 恐惧的心理阻止前进,所以才会老是停在计划阶段, 而无法进入实行状态。

 

想了很久, 还是不能做个决定, 真的想利用别的方法让自己能够有个定案, 再逼自己实行它。 为自己拟定计划实在太累了, 心想可以要求某人,一个了解我的人, 为我拟定好一切, 再让我逐一实行出来吧! 就好像玩电子游戏一样, 一切已经是定好了, 只要按部就班逐一破解机关, 再晋升,再过关, 人生如能如此不是也很好吗?

 

当然比我理智一点的你都会否定我的这么一段‘废话’, 因为我们常常都会说, 自己的人生得掌握在自己的手中, 为自己打造自己的未来; 但是这一切对我而言已经没有什么意义了, 因为我已经无法理智思考了, 再也无法启动我的脑细胞, 更免谈什么人生大计了。 我真的很累了, 曾经一度想过, 竟然不能够轻生,那么我可以期望自己不管什么意外而离开吗? 又或者上天赐我更多, 让我能够可以‘管制’我的人生的人。。。 想也知道着不太可能发生吧。。。 死心吧。。。

 

我真的好累,真的很想睡。。。

Monday, September 21, 2009

What Happen NEXT?

“Human needs to have many reasons being together, just a relationship, even just a simple one. But when come to end up everything, one reason is enough.” Sounds so familiar? Of course, people always used to say this whenever they wanna breakup with someone.

But still have some other way to breakup a relationship, no matter friendship or whatever-ship it is. This way maybe more simple and easy for each other to accept, BUT not everyone can take it. The Magic way is to ‘SILENT’… maybe you might experience it before, that someone try to be silent in your life, and try to get away from you. Sound so simple but actually not.

In the Silent process, still have few stages to go through. First you must not show that you not happy with that person, keep everything as normal. No sign at the first stage, so like cancer, no sign at all but actually cells started mutating de… When come to second stage, still remain nothing happen, but try not to be act busy, or just keep yourself busy, but remember still have to ‘keep in touch’, so that the link still there.

Third stage should be noticeable if that person is smart enough, as I said, like cancer. BUT if really unnoticeable then you’re really good in acting de, should give you award in this year Oscar, the Best Actor Award. In this stage, everything become unusual de, obviously the connection is getting bigger and bigger gab. For example, last time no matter what circumstances everything remain good, but now the other way round, even just a simple or tiny little mistake, then it will become the cause of argument.

Everything should stop at this stage, but if this relationship really can last until the final stage, stage four, then this guy will be really lucky, lucky to win lottery. I never experience what happen in the stage four, because normally I just die at the third stage… LOL… Anyone can tell me what will happen in the fourth stage???

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Car? or NO Car?

This is not the first night, which I walk back alone from the LRT station at night. Everytime in this situation, I’ll think: should I get a car? This question keeps on repeating in my heart. I still cannot get an answer for it. Why? Because I think ‘too much’.

If I can just like some other people who never think too much, then of course I’ll not walk back from the LRT station to my house, of course no need to walk in the rain too. Why so hard for me to make a decision? Just very simple: Family and Me.

Family – I’m the only son, not from rich family, mum no longer working, so I’m the only Income-Provider. Since mum’s health not really good, so I think I should have ready for something bad. Of course don’t wish ‘it’ will happen lar… this is one of the reason I must save up some money.

Me – too many reasons for myself for not getting a car, and getting a car too… Getting a car: make myself more convenient to work, and go to some other places. Can be more safe than I walk back at night, after 10.30, even it just 5-10mins walk from the station but still many thing can be happen on the way home.

For not getting a car: Save some money for my camera stuff, especially I wish to setup a small little studio at home. Getting a car then I have to spent half of my salary for the car, where got money for my hobby… haiz… of course you may ask: which is more important? Your own safety or your camera? The answer will be… :P

Haiz… how?? Cannot let my mum know I walk back this late, sure no more camera after this… :P

Saturday, September 19, 2009

To be Continue

This is the story what happen after I refuse to borrow him the money. Today he called, of course not thing good, but ask me to borrow him money again, this time plus some news for me, telling me that he’ll sell off his car, at the end he still have to sell the car, so that he can settle part of his debt. (very little only, because the car still haven’t settle, plus the price not so high…)

 

Actually selling the car just to reduce his commitment to pay for the car, every month about RM 700++, since he cannot pay for it, so it’s a good thing for him to sell it off. I still haven’t get back my 1k from him, so I never promise him to borrow another RM250 for him. Thinking when he can pay me back the money.

 

He just like a ghost, when I telling him I’m not free to go out (actually I’m very free and playing some facebook game… ), and ask him to borrow from someone else, but he still keeps on sending me sms, from 2pm until I close my shop at 10… He just don’t understand why people don’t wish to borrow him money again.

 

Wish to stay away from him… should I change my number???

Friday, September 18, 2009

Spoon… Best Before

  DSCN4369

This the wooden spoon which is ‘best before’ May 2010, after that the spoon will cannot use anymore… :P

 

DSCN4367

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Taking it

“From now on, he will be my assistant…”, just a few simple words from him, my branch supervisor, and telling others that I’m taking some challenge after this. My only answer for this statement is: “huh???” before I can put down my water bottle.

 

Others may thought that I’m getting some good offer, but actually not. the benefit of taking this position is just have some extra commission if I hit the branch target, and meet my personal target  too. And now my personal target is lesser but at the same time I have to take care of the branch target. Beside that, I have nothing else special compare with others.

 

Taking this challenge just making me into trouble to deal with some ex-branch head, from the old company, and have to leading them. BUT how??? Each of them have enough experience and I don’t think that they will just follow me… At least I’m sure that one or two of them will not… If I think it in the good way, since all of them are senior enough, so I have no problem in my sales, and this will really helps on my target. Their target is much more higher than mine, so they must work more hard than me.

 

Friday will be my first day go to work as an Asst. Branch Head (ABH)… (Tomorrow I off… :P) Hopefully everything will be good…

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Happy and Sad

Today very happy to pre-celebrate William’s Birthday with others, some more it’s a gathering with Potato Will too, miss him so much after his last trip in KL, last year middle of June. Even just one hour gather with them but just too happy to see everyone there, I’m glad that they chose to having dinner in Mid Valley so that I can join too. Thanks for the one who arrange for it…

 

In the same time I worried about my mum after she called me this evening, right before the birthday party start, and told me that she was in hospital for the last few days. I don’t know what happened to her nose, and don’t know why suddenly bleeding for none stop. This was the third time after the second time which happened two years back.

 

She didn’t inform me when it happened, of course she don’t wish me to be worry about her… The report still not out yet, have to wait until Monday, just wish that nothing bad. Now planning to go back after this raya holiday, hopefully can arrange some offday after that.

 

Mood very down now… Pray for mum. 

Will You???

IF one of your friends asks you to borrow him 20k, and you don’t have that 20k with you, then he asks you to take a personal loan(with your name), and borrow him that amount of money, will you say YES???

 

I’m having this “problem”… I called it as a problem because he keeps on asking and asking, never give up… Haiz~~ Just tell the story simple and short:

 

This friend always having financial problem, honestly I never ask him why, because it’s non-of-my-business. Everytime he borrow few hundred, max. up to 500, that’s still ok with me. His record in my account is not so good, never pay me as he promised, sure late one, almost can put his account under bad debts de. I still borrow him just because I still treat him as a friend, and wish to help him a bit… BUT… getting worst de…

 

Something bad happened in his work, something very bad, don’t wish to mention here because it’s not too good to tell here… then he needs some money to pay back to his company, 20k, that I mentioned in the first place. So this time he knows that I got no 20k to borrow, then he suggested me to take a personal under my name then borrow him this money that I get from the loan.

 

I’m not stupid and I’ll not do something so risky. Since his previous record is so BAD, no chance for me to get agree with him this time. Maybe because of this, I may end up our friendship, means I’ll stay away from him. I must be careful with him too… no one will know what he will do after this… Am I bad?? I don’t think so, because I just protect myself.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

09-09-09

9, the number which in Chinese means ‘Forever’, ‘Eternity’…  So on this special date, most of the couple choose to getting married. Among my friends, already heard that two couples do this on this special day.

 

What so special on my 9-9-9? Nothing… but working… :S Back to work… Will I do something which my friend gonna to do??? In the Future??? Or will never happen on me???

Answer: God’s know…

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Second Chance

Watched The Final Destination, both the normal version and the 3D version on the same day. 3D in Mid Valley in the afternoon and normal one in One U in the evening time. Which one I prefer? Of course the 3D one is better, but too bad the glasses is not nice to wear, wish that they improve it become like the one they using in the movie… the glasses not very comfortable, so tired to wear it for one and a half hour. suffer…

 

Everyone know that this movie talking about dead since the first one in few years back. One question they asking in the movie: What will you do if you’re giving the second chance?

 

What’s your answer for this?

Me? If I’m giving the second chance to live again, I wish to be MYSELF, doing something that I like the most, without thinking too much, or consider too much. Just Be Myself. No regret after all.

 

Do we really have this ‘second chance’??? *wish…

Monday, September 7, 2009

Not Happy

Today not very happy in Office… Mood bad since morning. Why? Simple, just cannot stand the way others doing…

 

First of all, is a bit weird that no leader in the branch. Second, among senior, we cannot ask others to do something for you… coming up, everyone have their own ‘style’ in work…

 

Maybe I’m a bit fussy, so wish everything to be prefect. I do understand that no one is prefect, but just try to work something in the ‘normal’ way. After receiving some goods, should understand that the invoice should be in the file (Invoice), but not inside the drawer which others may not found it later. When do filing, should follow the index but not simply put which every index that you like… If saw something which need to be settle should do it without someone to make an order, but not sitting there reading newspaper or novel… and many many more…

 

A new shop, many things still not ready yet, and we need everyone to make it ready. I’m not a superman, and I cannot do everything by my own, so wish to have some cooperation among us. Too bad, I’m dealing with someone selfish, and someone that not willing to work too much but getting the same amount of salary. How to dealing with all these ‘Monster’???

 

They knew that I’m not happy, since my face just like a LCD screen which can show everything on it. But they don’t know the reason, I should tell them after this…

Saturday, September 5, 2009

利用

有人说:朋友是用来利用的。。。

此话是否属实? 我不希望它会是真的。 当让真实世界里不是每一个人, 或每一个朋友都会真心的对你, 我非常庆幸我梦够认识一些真的交心的朋友; 但是同时, 我也叫上了一些不是那么真心的朋友。 庆幸的同时我也觉得悲伤。

 

何为利用? 朋友有难能够帮上忙的当然自然会伸出援手, 既然称得上是朋友那就没有什么好计较的。 但是就会有一些‘朋友’, 自认交心, 当他有困难的时候他一定会开口, 不但如此,他也不管你是否可帮得上忙, 他就认定了你一定得为他解决难题。 世上没有几个人会是圣人, 当然我也不是, 所以很多时候如果衡量自己真的不能够做到的时候我必定会推辞, 但是这类所谓的‘朋友’ 就不管你的处境, 你一定得帮上这个忙就对了。

 

身处其境, 所以难免有一点激动, 可能话还没说得清楚就已经失去理智了。 我真的无法让自己平复下来, 因为一切都出自千万个不愿意。 该怎么办才好? 拒绝过了, 脸也翻过了, 还是抗拒不了他那缠死不休的意念。 遇上这样的人真的有够不幸了。。。

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Battle

Today forget to bring back my internet device, so cannot online now, have to update here with my phone. Cannot play facebook too... Brought the device to work coz office still haven't get us internet.

Recently business not so good, this make us feel so stressful. This will be our first month, and without customer base I cant imagine how we gonna make it. Luckily boss never expect we hit his target on our first month.

Tomorrow still have to battle, and now is the time to catch some sleep. Tired.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

该继续,还是该停止?

心情很乱,情绪很低,不懂如何是好。我该继续,还是该停止?我该压抑自己,还是该放纵自己的情欲?

我希望自己能够不那么天真,也不那么敏感。

我累了。