Friday, July 30, 2010

爆发

火山又要重燃了,也可能即将要爆发了。 还是我这位了解我的朋友透彻我的心,她既然在我没有向她完全表明心声的情形下,只用了简短几个要点,就判断了:你的火又要重燃了。

 

对,她说的一点也没错,我自己也意识到内心深处已经有一道深藏已久的火又要重燃了。 这道并不是什么好的火焰,也不是一般人所想的积极之火,又或者是什么振奋之火。这一次如果真的火烧丛林,必定是“最后的召集”……

 

为什么是最后呢?因为我已经答应了自己,不要再伤害自己了,每一次的决定既然都不被受到祝福,当然也没有什么成果,那就算了吧。人虽然年轻,但是心已经不能呵护了,一次又一次地被伤害着并不是什么该觉得荣幸的事,已经够了。

 

我也不能怪谁,毕竟是我自己先行第一步,他根本就在半推半让的情况下答应的,可能他也已经忘记了,到底是怎么开始的。是我先开始的,但并不是我就该是永远当忍让的那一位,我不是什么圣人,我是一个小人,我要的就只是真心,坦诚。

 

可能是他也认为我没有做到吧,所以我也该死,得来的结果就是“吃自己”吧!又是检讨的时候了。。。

 

火山的裂口已经开了,里头的熔岩也沸腾了,(心)远在他方的可能没有意识到,随时着都会酿成不可收拾的局面。但愿天公怜悯,下一场风雪让一切平息吧……

volcano1

期望与盼望

今天心情不错,还挺好的,当然是期待的事情发生了在我的身上。

 

能够看见自己心爱的人出现在眼前,那种喜悦与兴奋是没有任何兴奋剂能比的。当然他的持久力也并非一般安定剂能耐的。就算它仅能够维持几分钟的时间,但是它还是可以在脑海里继续维持那番喜悦感长达数小时。。。

 

经历过某些事我已经决定把某些想法给丢弃了,又或者说我改变了自己一直以来坚持的事情。例如:

 

以前一直回想要和自己心爱的人住在一起,但是既然了解每个人都该有自己的空间,也不是每一个人能够做到这一点,那不如我先放下这个想法,不要让它成为我们相处的绊石。要是我的另一半告诉我他因为某些因素不能够与我同住,那我还是会为我们的将来准备一处安乐所,但是并不强逼他与我同住,只让它成为我们俩的私人天地。可想而知我的另一半也有家庭,又或是他必须与父母家人同住,那同样会说服自己接受,毕竟他会那么爱家,这个人还挺可靠的。 ^^

 

以前的我太过于执着了,一切就只希望如我所愿,而没有想到另一边的他到底会有什么想法,而我的想法又会为他带来怎么样的困扰。我实在太为我自己私人的情欲打算了,根本没有为他人想过,这也可能是我失败了那么多次的原因吧。

 

有些时候,或很多时候我把自己的快乐建筑在他人的痛苦上,当然另一方都很疼惜我,都很迁就我,让我胡闹下去。但是现在我已经觉悟,不能够这样,我必须站在他人的立场上想,再倒回来想一下自己该怎么做才不会伤到对方。我实在太调蛮任性了。

 

我也是时候静神养心了,不该再蹦蹦跳跳,想东想西,要这要那地,有些时候静了下来反而头脑会转的比较清晰,不会胡思乱想,也不会做一些有的没的。还感谢那把我淋醒的水,至少我没有浪费那些水,现在真的有一点醒了。

 

不喜欢别人强逼自己做某些事,当然也不能让自己如此对待他人,更何况是自己心爱的。。。

Monday, July 26, 2010

双人房,单人床

每个人的心房其实都是一间双人房,当然房间的规格是为了他日而设定的;但是里面的一切摆设就在乎于他人当时的预备程度。

 

当初以为自己已经准备好了一间预设好的双人房,为身边的另一伴预备好;但其实就不那么简单。准备一间双人房并不如就逛逛傢俬店,又或是打个电话预定一间双人房那么简单。分享一间双人房首要的条件就是接受你所能够接受的,再来就是有着心理准备面对一切突击而来的事情。

 

说起突击而来的事实在有够考人,并不是想象中那么的简单,有些时候不管平日你是个多么理智,有判断能力的人也好,都不一定能够胜任这个突然冒出来的事。 人总会失去方向,人终归会来到一个彷徨的处境,当然这个时候你再也不是平日的你了。

 

当然讲了那么多,毕竟就在为自己失去方向而找借口,为的是平复自己一下,让自己好过一点。 说起来也挺好笑,以为自己能够胜任一切,哪懂就当面对一点的小事竟然不能够控制自己,再问问自己到底准备好了没?这下答案可大有不同了: 好像还没。

 

双人床:一张分不开的双人床,不管床上所发生的大小事物都与两位主角有关, 那当然没有一个可以逃得过负起责任的使命。一人不开心,两人一定不好过;一人中了奖,两人共同分享喜悦。

 

床当然是黏在一起, 那两个人的心呢?可否也是一样? 就连当事人也不可以肯定这一点。 每个人都会懂心连心是两个人在一起的首要条件,但是如何能够肯定这一点?真的是想找一位大师教导教导一番。

 

每一个人都会将一些事情守在心里边,那这个时候又怎么了?人就是矛盾,讲了一套,做的又是另一套,那还能够说得上心连心了吗? 小人也很想知道。。。

bed

最糟糕的一次

想太多了, 又再一次的想太多了。 但这次决定是最糟糕的一次。

期待已久的旅程已经实现了, 可能是真的非常期待,所以盼望心里所想的都能够实现。

实现是实现了, 但是自己有一点应付不来,可能太高估了自己,一切没有我想的那么简单。

脑海中浮现日前轰动一时的歌曲 -- 没那么简单(当然现在还是有人在播着),真的没那么简单,尤其是遇上了他。 六七年以来想要发生的事终于呈现在眼前了, 但是可笑的是竟然自己竟然还没有准备好,一切好像发生得太突然了, 不知所措。

 

可能是等了太久了, 心里有太多事情想告诉他,但是就是思维不能够很安分地编排好一切,结果就弄得自己一团糟。一旦这些事情发生以后, 我就像一台Hang了机的电脑一样,呆了在那里,根本就没有什么理智可言,完全就不想平日的我,能够应付得来。 我想人生中这些事情必定会发生个一两次,毕竟人不是圣人,不可能每一回都可以那么理智地把事情给处理好。

 

我承认自己并没有想尽办法把事情给弄好,就以“顺其自然”为借口,把一切该安排的都抛在脑后,发生起事情来的时候就一点也不自然了。不管平日是多么好的演员,这一刻也是枉然的,一切就不像一般的我,就连自己也认不出自己来了。 试问还能演下去吗?一点也不自然了。。。

 

其实不能演的另一个原因是因为对手是自己注重的对象,根本思维上就已经不对了,再来还得控制情绪,又要压抑自己,这下还真的有点考人呢。。。 就算人格分裂也不一定能够撑下去。

 

失控了,当然也出糗了,什么好印象也没了,丢人了。。。 看来用什么招数也不能弥补了,接下来不管再怎么做也是洗不掉这份难看的记忆了。

 

我失控了。。。

 

sad

Monday, July 12, 2010

Buy or Rent…

Just share some article here… about Buy or Rent a premise.

 

A roof over our heads: Should we buy or rent?

COMMENT
By RAYMOND ROY TIRUCHELVAM

PERSONALLY speaking, I have been faced with this question – to buy or rent a house – many times in my life. While I haven’t quite found a clear answer to that, I have decided to go with both. I have bought a house (or rather acquired one through financing) but am renting it out while I live in a rented premise with my family.

It is a known fact (if not compounded by our parents, and uncles and aunties) that one should, if they can, own a house. Generally speaking, renting somehow has some negative connotations. Ideally, we should buy a property early in our lives to take advantage of the longer loan financing period and if we can, try to settle the financing early.

While there may be no straight forward answer here, there are several pertinent questions we need to ask ourselves. Where do we see ourselves, five, 10, or 30 years down the road?

First, let us exclude investors from our category as they would naturally fall under the ‘buy’ status, and let us delve into the lives of the average man-on-the-street manifested in these four individuals – Robroy, Rizal, Rowena and Rossindra, who face a similar dilemma.

Robroy is 35 years old, married with two children, and works as an senior accountant. He works for a multinational company and therefore is required to travel, and at times is posted overseas for a few years. He also has chalked up some credit card debts from all the travelling, and have been delinquent in payments during his absence in Malaysia. Most recently, he was posted to New Zealand and is now considering migration.

Rizal is 30 years old, married with two wives and six children and is a businessman who owns several restaurants. His income is good, but it fluctuates, and he currently has some savings which he plans to invest. His big family helps him runs the business.

Rowena, is a 28 year old care-free person, whom after graduation could not hold a steady job, but is very happy with part-time jobs that give her the freedom to travel as she loves travelling. She has a boyfriend and plans to get married in a year or two.

Rossindra is 25 years old; she is a social science university graduate who has decided to dedicate her life helping the needy and healing the world. She is currently working under one of the Unesco projects in Myanmar. She gets paid pretty well, and with food and lodging fully provided at her workplace in Myammar, she saves almost all her salary. She recently took over the rental tenancy of her parents who live in a rented house, and is considering alternative options.

Of these four individuals, who do you think should buy a house or rent? The following represents my take, which of course, is open for discussion.

Robroy should rent, mainly because of his work commitment. His work requires overseas posting, which includes his family, especially since he is considering migrating to New Zealand. Furthermore, he has been delinquent in his credit card payments, and this may not go well for his loan financing if he wants to buy.

Rizal should buy, mainly because the nature of his income is uncertain and he has amassed some savings, which should aid in his down payment for a house. He had originally wanted to buy a house in cash but given the size of his family, he decided to buy a bungalow for which he has settled 50% of the payment while the remainder is financed through a loan. As he rents his restaurant outlets and the returns from his business is used to settle the rent, he is confident that buying a house is a much better option for him.

On the other hand, Rowena, quite clearly falls under the rent category. First, she does not have the financial ability and second, she has not quite decided what she wants to do in life. Furthermore, her part-time jobs may not provide her with a good credit standing with the banks. Her boyfriend whom she intends to marry happens to be rich.

So, naturally, if things go as planned, she may be able to solve, to some extent, her financial issues.

Rossindra, on the other hand is in a real predicament. While her position and work do not necessitate her to rent or buy a house, she is undertaking the obligation to pay rent for the house her parents stay in. She is considering the option of buying a small house and naturally, her parents are overjoyed to finally live in their own house.

Buying a house is usually, for many, a once-in-a-lifetime decision. So don’t rush into it. Take your time evaluating the possible scenarios and outcomes and of course, make sure you choose a suitable property. Whatever it is, you must try to avoid putting significant pressure on your financial status.

The writer, a business planner with SABIC Group of Companies says: I would rather my parents choose my house than choose my wife.

I’m still asking myself… Where to buy??? Which to buy??? When to buy???

Sunday, July 11, 2010

如果。。。

今天我又再次胡思乱想了, 想了很多, 很多。。。 当然当中有很多无谓的, 也有很多是想多了, 但是还是有一些我想了之后是希望它能实现的。。。例如:。。。

 

拥有自己的一片天地。

不管日后是否身边有一个伴,我还是希望有着自己的一片天地, 就是有着自己的一个家。 想了好久,到底我要过着怎么样的生活,反复不停地问。 既然我不能够肯定有人会愿意与我共度余生, 但是至少我得为自己打算一下。

 

我不能妄想能够过着一般人所向往的富裕生活, 但是至少是我觉得舒适的生活。 没有大洋房,愿有一栋简陋的小房子。 没有什么最前卫的科技产品, 愿有基本实施供平日生活所需。 没有豪华的装潢,但愿一切从简,简单整洁。

 

自从家里发生了一些的变卦,再也没有过着之前比较舒适的生活了, 那也是大约十多年前的事了。 爸爸的离去让家里完全靠母亲一人负担,生意没了, 反过来欠债累累, 一切都落到母亲的担子里。 还记得外婆所留下来的,除了那枚镶有三颗不同颜色钻石的戒指外,其它的金银珠宝没有一件能够逃过一劫。 模糊的记忆当中小时候有拿过一些在手当着不值钱的麻绳在玩着。

 

现在母亲辛苦的日子已经过了, 我也已经踏入了社会,勉强生活还是可以过得很好。 心里想的不是追回那已经失去的, 而是朝向自己想要的前去。 不希望太逞强, 也不希望太极端,一切尽力而为。 老是会说别人如果三十岁还没有自己的一栋房子会是不稳定的生活, 哪怕自己也是不能在三十岁以前把房子给买下来, 那就可笑死人了。。。 >.<

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Choices

Today will be my big day in this company… Area Supervisor visited our shop and brought me ONE Good News – They wanna promote me as the Second in Charge for KLCC branch (New branch, Opening soooooon…). YEAH~~~~ Finally… I able to leave the Curve de…

 

I been waiting for this long long time de, I thought that I might only become the second in charge in the same branch, The Curve. As they know that I don’t wish to get a car for the moment, plus I wish to go for some ‘Bigger’ branch to learn something new and earn more money. =P

 

For the moment, I still have to stay in The Curve as KLCC only will open around Aug or Sept, as waiting for the tenant to move out. NVM, just another few more months to go, then I’ll transfer to somewhere else. *tahan

 

Forget to tell that my ex-boss wants me to work with him. Last Thursday he’d invited me for a lunch. Of course I know what he wanna tell before that, but I just pretend I know nothing. He talk a lot about the mistake he made last time, the decision to transfer me to some other branch, cause me handed the resignation letter. BUT everything just too late…

 

He offered me to take over the new branch, Sunway Pyramid, and directly under him, means become one of the supervisor, this will make me same level with my ex-supervisor. In the package, I’ll fully in-charge for the branch, and I’ll be the one who making decision for man-power, prices, commission, and etc.

 

What stopped me from accepting the offer will be how he treated me by the time he thought that I was the “problem maker” in the branch. Two days before I sent him a SM and told him I still comfort with my current job and pay.

 

After I make up my mind to stay with my current company, another company will be disappointed because they also offered me to work with them in this new Complex, KL Plaza Old location, or maybe Sunway Pyramid if I wanted to.

 

So, my final decision will be stay back in the same company, even less freedom but at least I learn something new. :)